“Would you put me in rope today?” I asked when I awoke on day two of the Spirit of the islands event.

It was the morning after our first night, we had stayed up all night talking, and playing, he let me help him come.

I remember seeing him come for the first time, he made the most beautiful noises I had ever heard…

And this morning, every cell in my body ached for rope, to be tied, bound, held in place….I was so new to magic at that time that I did not realize what I was asking for, and I don’t think he did either.

But he pulled out his rope bag and asked me how I felt about the Phoenix Rope? He went on to explain that this was the first batch of rope Monk had made after he had a fire that burned his business to the ground. This rope was about resurrection and the power of that intention.

What I did not realize then, but I realize now, is that I too was going to be burned to the ground that weekend….and I would rise from the ashes with my wings on fire, and my life would never be the same…

The rope itself was golden flames with crimson embers, so beautiful. So powerful.

Lee decided to put me in a pentacle tie, and I wore a star on my chest, I remember the tightness and how hard it was to breathe, I remember the intimacy as he looked not just at me, but into me, as he tied me. He knew what he was doing, not just as an expert rope tier but as an expert dream weaver.

I remember wearing my shirt over it, and the ropes peeking out from underneath and how proud I was that I was harnessed so beautifully. And it was beautiful, the tie was beautiful and how it made me feel was more then beautiful, beyond beautiful I felt like a princess, and I was in awe of the power of how beautiful and powerful I felt.

I went to my class and Lee went to the one he wanted…but I missed him, my whole body missed him, my soul missed him…it was only a hour at best that we were separated but it became clear I had to find him….

And I was right.

He was in Master Skips class on Cathartic flogging, and I needed to be there.

Master Skip is just the most amazing person I have ever met in the scene and that is saying a lot, most every single person I have met in SM is pretty amazing…

But Master Skip embodies mastery in the way that our souls recognize, we are immediately drawn to his power, grace and Buddha like compassion…

In his class he spoke of being a grief councilor, and what that is like, being called to help folks transition from form to formlessness…

Master Skip can look at you with such tremendous attunement to who you are, and where you are…and I swear I could feel his heart beating, even from across the room.

Soon he began talking about flogging and catharsis, and what it takes to get there….He said straight out that there would be no safe word, and that he would decide when the flogging would be over…and then he asked  were there any volunteers.?

The room was deadly quiet, the fear was palpatal, no one dared look at each other lest they might be picked…

There was silence for a very long time

I don’t know how this happened but my hand raised, I watched it in total disbelief in fact…I could hear my head screaming NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

But my heart was whispering yessssss yes amy, go…

He then told me to get undressed, Lee stood to untie me, and he did it with out  breaking my gaze…he saw that I was scared and he let me know silently that it was going to be alright.

I remember the instant I felt the feeling of the rope leaving my flesh, the infinite nakedness I felt,  and yet because it was tied so tight, the marks were perfectly imbedded and seeing them, I felt strong.

I stood naked in front of a room filled with strangers, and then with out warning, they disappeared.

I was on my knees looking up at Master Skip, and he asked me the question that has more then once changed the course of my life:

“Are you willing?”

I said “yes”

He said “open your heart to me Amy.”

And then he stood me, and placed his hand on my heart, and had me place my hand on his…

Slave Rick came up to us and he anointed me with rose oil….and again Master Skip said “open your heart”…and right then a flock of a thousand ravens left my body and swirled in the air…

I started crying…I opened my heart sooo amazingly wide

Tears pouring out of me, I was trussed on the cross, and then the beating begun….

More tears, cathartic tears, screaming down my cheeks…I don’t remember any of the flogging,… all I felt was that my world had been cracked open, and light had poured into all the fissures and crevices, and I would never be the same person again.

When it was finished I was alone in the room, the class had left and no one but Master Skip and Slave Rick were there.

They held me in a double sided hug that I will never forget, and I have never up to that point in my life ever remembered being that loved.

As they pulled away and my world came back into view, I remember looking up and seeing Lee!

He was standing there the whole time, watching, and to my mind, protecting me, and waiting with a giant embrace that engulfed me. I swayed in his arms, felt so safe and so loved, my knees buckled, I fell into him….Up to this point I thought I was in the middle of a wondrous weekend romance, but it was at this point I was starting to realize…this was deeper then that.

He had stayed for me. He wanted to connect with me. Master skip handed me off to Lee, in a sort of ceremonial way, that said “I honor you brother, take care of this fledgling” or at least that is how it felt.

Lee and I walked off I was ecstatic, and he was so calm and patient as I probably rambled on and on…I don’t remember…

What I do remember next, is the night of the party…

Peggy and Fifth angel were doing Peggy and Fifth Angel hardcore play, and basically because Peggy was a good friend for years before I ever saw them play, and even though I knew that they played hard, I was completely unprepared for what I saw.

Full contact, brutal take down, brutal break down…Peggy’s screams shattered  the quiet Hawaiian jungle night, his sadism was enchanting as he made her fight for her own life, he karate kicked her full force his powerful fists flew at her tiny frame, with his expert training and skill,.. I now understand about her samurai training and her warrior spirit but at the time I did not understand, and it frightened me….I got nauseous and had to step outside…my tummy was in knots and I needed a filter from me and the piercing shrieks and bloodcurdling screams that were coming from deep inside my friends soul….

Lee stepped out with me, he helped me, and explained a lot to me, and again, he protected me, I felt safe, and soon I felt better…

Their “scene “ was over and there was space for us to do something, we played like  two little children, laughter erupted out of us both, like champagne bubbles pouring down the bottle, he tied me, and tortured me burrowed his eyes deeply into me, and it was just amazingly hot.

As the evening came to a close, he came back to my room and we talked all night again, this time in such a deep and intimate place, like our souls were talking and the human words we using, were a secret code to open the vast vaults of the all the secrets of the universe…

It was deeply arousing…

He pulled me on top of him, and slid his ethereal cock in to me, and I felt him so powerfully, so honestly, we looked into each others eyes, as though we were falling into each other helplessly, and then the rocking of the ocean became giant crashing waves…

Those noises I had heard the night before started to escape his lips again and my whole body attuned to them….became one with them….

My cunt was throbbing wrapped around his cock, letting him lead, and then he came…

White light splashed all over me…from inside me….light was pouring out of my fingers, and running out of my nose, light was droooling from my lips as I kissed his lips…I was light, he was light, this was the light of new life….

And I said words that scared the hell out of both of us “I am pregnant”

As soon as I said them I wanted to take them back, I wanted to be unpregnant, I wanted this to be a weekend romance, I wanted to make believe…

But you can never undo what has been done, we both knew that…what we did not know, and what we still don’t know…is what it means…

The only thing I know is that I am all in…yes it fucking hard sometimes, we speak different languages, we live so far apart, we honor completely different gods….but I am in…and I will be at his feet, my cheek on his ankle, for as long as he wants me to be there….